Angels Would Fall
by Spelljammer
Summary: AU The relationship, once broken, is restored as Ennis frees his heart and homesteads with Jack. Ennis then finds that being a real man is harder than advertised.
1. I Drove All Night

Angels Would Fall

Disclaimer: The Brokeback characters and popular songs aren't mine; this is a not-for profit work. ("Clyde", "Howard" and "Elise" are mine though)

Summary: AU The relationship once broken is restored as Ennis frees his heart and homesteads with Jack. Ennis then finds that being a real man is harder than advertised.

Warning: Mature Themes, Sexual situations and **Hybrid Canon (book/movie)**!

_Dedication: To those who aren't afraid to allow themselves to be happy no matter how hard it is. And for all men, regardless of their orientation._

Chapter 1: I Drove All Night

_Y'know, it's real hard just to sit down and admit things like this to a group of strangers but if you all out there hear this story and take somethin good from it I'll be satisfied. I'm sure Rodeo would be happy too. Where do I start? Well, most of you know the beginning of this...thing...I had with Twist up on Brokeback. Most of you know that I'm divorced and have two girls also. Guess you' s all been chomping at the bit about wantin to know when I got in too deep with that guy. Lookin back, he got in real deep with me harder than I gave him credit for. Yeah, I know you's thinkin "That's bullshit del Mar you loved him as much or even harder." That's true. But y'know what? I see you fellas today in your special saloons and your parades and yes even your hospices banding together all normal like and you all seem to forget that when I lived my everything was illegal and a dirty little secret to boot. I lived in a time when bein' different than everyone else was an offense to all upstandin citzens. Like me. Hmm, was the normal folks always this thorny? Hell, God's honest truth be told, I really didn't care what those idiots did with me but I was scared shitless that those fuckers were gonna kill Jack. That's the major reason I pushed Jack away on that one day. Oh, and the right mighty freak out of having my girls near the man I'm having...relations...with. That's beside the point though. _

_After that right painful scene (which still leaves a bad taste in my mouth to this day) I took the girls back to their momma and I sat in my house and did some heavy thinking. No, not with the whiskey flask. I was thinkin that if I did have that ranch with Rodeo I'd be happy as all fuck then something would happen then I wouldn't be that happy ever again. That too was one of them reasons I refused to court Jack, if not THE reason. I sat there alone watchin the Tonight Show on my lil' TV with the many 'gitimate reasons not to be with Jack floatin in my head. During the pause in the blackness between commercials I heard his laugh and plain as day, those reasons were washed away like a flash flood. I got up and decided to tell him "Sure, I'll give it a shot." I was going to send it in a letter. Lemme tell you somethin here. When a man's heart becomes light and free his natural instincts become amplified. All the good cowboys and ranchers know it and mine got real sharp. I had to see Jack. I had to see Jack now. I went to bed. I got up two minutes later packed a small bag and some money and took off in my truck cause I HAD TO GET TO JACK NOW!That night I went after my own heart. I wanted to live. Maybe there'll be pain later but...y'know somethin? I think I'd rather show then tell this part. Many things changed for me that week. Rightfully, I don't know how I got through it. Maybe I didn't get through it. Maybe I'm living through it now. That's a moment of rare honesty._

The sound of tires on dirt going through a breakneck speed with a beat up truck was heard through the night. To say that Ennis del Mar was driving like a bat out of hell would be like saying Siberia was only a tiny bit cold. Jack Twist sat beside him, looking rather uncomfortable.

It was cold, dark and Ennis was driving to god knows where.

"What's all this about?" Jack asked a little shell shocked seeing Ennis so soon after their fallout. Ennis really didn't know what to say. Actually he did but it would be an even colder day before he'd say the words out loud. Crying shame since he didn't even remotely hate Jack.

"Putting to rights our situation."

"I thought we were through."

"Yeah, so did I. Never did say it to your face though."

"So why am I here?" Jack asked very cautiously.

"Regardless of how I feel about my own shithole of a life I never like seeing people close to me hurt. We need to do something about this...this whatever." Ennis growled.

"I'll carry on without you, del Mar. It'll be a lonely road but I'm willin to ride on it."Jack replied coldly. The tone almost made Ennis flinch.

"Not to mention whoever else you meet up with." Ennis grunted. Now he didn't mean to say that! No sense in meeting up with Jack just to start a fight. Those surely would have been fighting words but Jack seemed to have control of himself.

"Hell, yes. You know what I wanted but since you're not the givin type I'll find someone else. I don't belong to you. You made that clear enough." Jack replied coolly. Ennis actually nodded at Jack's words.

"So you done gone and quit me?" Ennis asked. His hands were severely clenching the steering wheel when he looked over to Jack's deer caught in headlights expression. Caught you good Jack Twist!

"If...you don't...if I don't...if we...shit." Jack then noticed the dark highway and sighed. "Ennis where are we heading?" Jack asked.

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! Okay? Happy! I'm like a fucking dog chasing his tail wantin to bite it round and round and round. I can't get by on couple of high altitude fucks a year either! If you're looking for relationship material here boy there's nothing but damaged freight! First you then Alma and you again always wanting shit that's not there! I'm a dry riverbed, all that I got you both have already, and I'm SORRY if it's not enough but I did my best! I did, by damn! I hate myself for causing allus you's pain and sufferin. The sweetness, the light, all of it ain't associatin with the name Ennis del Mar. I can yell at my fucking dad and brother and even goddamn Earl and Rich all to high heaven for makin me feel like this but it don't change nothin so Mr. I'll-Carry-On-By you tell me where we're heading cause I sure as hell _DON'T KNOW_!" Ennis howled for a good half mile his rough face contorted with a shame and rage that had been a long time coming. Since he was born, seems like.

"Where are we heading off to on the road, Ennis?" Jack clarified mildly. Ennis looked like he wanted to vomit now. The flesh of hands was cutting into the steering wheel. Jack seem to have a look of pure horror on his face with the revelation of how Ennis was feeling about everything and not just the affair they were sharing.

"Guess we'll go someplace and rest. Damn, we made it to Oklahoma. I'll pull off somewhere like a travelers..."Ennis was muttering.

"Why am I here?" Jack interrupted. All that was heard was the sound of tires on the highway. Again. "Why am I here Ennis?" All that could be seen were the narrow vision of the headlights and the inane mile markers. In a single moment the yellow and white lines of the highway seemed to be Ennis' own pulse. The blood flow upon the gravel and asphalt.

"I thought you needed me."

"Always. That's a given."_But do you need me? _Was the loaded question Jack never vocalized though the answer was painfully, even brutally obvious.This particular page in their torrid saga began when he saw Jack walking on the side of the road cause his truck was busted. They saw each other and Jack jumped in Ennis' truck without question or even a hello. Jack figured it was just about time he would abandon that old thing. Maybe even his truck on the side of the road in Texas too. There was the Lawton city limits sign.

"Lawton." Ennis muttered as if it were a dirty word.

"Yeah, what about...hey, we ran it to Lawton and you just _now_ realize we're in Oklahoma?" Jack said with a start. Considering they passed a good deal amount of towns from Childress to Lawton without noticing and why were they going in THAT direction nowhere towards Riverton, Wyoming?

"Uh..er, I wanted to run away with you?" Ennis declared lamely. Seemed better than saying he was so distraught that he became a part time nomad/abductor.

"Hmph, likely story. I can give you everything you need, anything you want. You just don't wanna take it." This now officially broke the record on the length of time the two of them spent on a conversation centering around "them" and their feelings and well someone needed to show some bravery in this farce called living and if it wasn't going to be Ennis then so be it. "I call you my friend, but that seems to fly in the face of how I been treatin you all these years. Ennis, I been lying to you and I'm powerful sorry. I can't call you my friend."

"How so?" Ennis asked a little anxious. Come on truck stops, inns, hay lined mangers where are you all?

"I'm a queer. And I think I have been before I met you I just didn't realize it up until that summer. If it means people stoning me in the streets or shunning me or even me being in the slammer then I'll put up with it on my own. No sense getting you involved with my problems." More silence. Ennis finally found a roadside inn with vacancies. He pulled into the place and saw it was still open.

"Wait here." Ennis said. Jack thought Ennis would be within his rights just to strand him in some lonely town. Ennis wrenched the palms of his hands from the steering wheel and sure enough they were red, raw and hurting. Just like the rest of him.

Another rundown motel, another session of cowboy riding for Ennis. The tastes, smells and touches were all familiar but the mood, the tone was almost completely morose and bereft of joy. When the coupling was over and the sheets were all sticky with sweat and seed Ennis got out an metal flask of whiskey he previously kept hidden. After giving himself a shot he handed the flask to Jack who pulled one of his own. The simple sound of their breathing could be heard along with Jack lighting a cigarette.

"You are my friend. Maybe our life's not filled with fishing trips, poker games and nights at the bar but if we did those things I'd tell people that this Jack Fucking Twist is my boon compadre and life long pal, just like the other fellas do with their friends." Ennis spoke without preamble.

"So where's that leave me? Keep me hanging on as the song goes?" Jack asked. He always had to push for more but honestly he wanted to get to the heart of the problem. Ennis paused, took a drag from Jack's cigarette briefly and gave it back to him.

"What can I say? I done treat you wrong. All of it. The distance, the lost time, the lonely days, the runnin away from you yellow. This ain't how I been wantin to treat people that are in my life. It ain't who I am." The empty years between their stolen moments echoed loudly.

"Who are you then?" Jack asked almost dismissive.

"Your own."

Jack fell out of the bed.

"You okay, rodeo?"

"Bullshit." He whispered venomously.

"No foolin. If you're not sick of me then I was hoping to ride off with you." Ennis said.

"Wh-wh-why _now_ of..."

"Yes or no, bud." Ennis asked softly.

"Yes, you asshole! Yes million times over from before I busted out of my poor mama's belly now answer the question." Jack said scrambling on the twisted, smelly linen, his cigarette now in the ashtray.

"Those things you said you'd face. Stones, scorn and jailin. If those things happened to you I need to be there right with you if it happens. And I just stated I don't treat people I love like pieces of shit. You're my truest friend and Christ...' Ennis rubbed his hand over his face. '...no more lies, I just wanna to take care of you like I should have been doing all this time since our Brokeback days, alright? It should of started that day when I grabbed you from behind cause I was real happy we were...what we were."

"I remember that day."

"Trust me?" Ennis asked. Jack had every right not to want to be with him but in Jack's case how could he not trust him? Not even counting the fact he was in a distant town from home...nope sorry, right now was home.

"I won't say I'm not sore at you right now, but I'll do my best to make you happy. Strip away all the old paint and primer and that's all I ever really wanted to do, at least try I reckon." Jack said. Right now he felt like a tea kettle ready to let off steam. Sexual steam, angry steam, or happy steam was yet to be seen. In the dark with the street lights coming through the cracks of the drawn curtains Jack saw Ennis nodding firmly.

"I got a load of child support and other expenses like, and I think I mighta chucked my job just so I can put up my last stand with you. I wasn't just giving you excuses that one time." Ennis said slowly.

"Need help, friend?" Jack asked. The first test of a fragile relationship.

"Yes, and lots of it." Ennis said quietly. He knew if he couldn't shelve his pride with this man he put before all others it really wouldn't work out.

"Suspect we got cut from the same cloth. People think we're stupid and good for nothing and as of late deviant."

"Yeah."

"Those folks are full of shit."

They both gave a chuckle. Jack turned over and declared he was going to bed. Ennis gave him a fierce kiss then settled in. All Ennis could think about was tire irons, brimstone and spewing hatred. The absolute feud that was going on between him and Alma. The dead end that his life was at now. The sheer carnage of a dead body lying in a ditch.

Minutes later daybreak occurred along with the songs of what sounded like a thousand birds.

_You rascals singing for me and my little darling here? That's kind of you._


	2. Fast Car

Author's Note: The "Thank You" campaign in Variety was the best thing ever. Even better than the actual award incredibly.

Chapter 2: Fast Car

_Since there were no reins on what we had and I was damn worried about rodeo boy I decided to go ahead and try to put the reins on and saddle it in. I really do belong to him and no other man interested me one bit. I just said I was scared of tire irons and hatred and all the rest of that shit but one thing scared me even more than all of that. Jack. Yep, he did. I never had love like the way he showed it. All clumsy, fierce and alive. The people that are supposed to love you in life kinda left me on empty so when Jack came around fillin me up like water to a vase I didn't know how to react. I ain't much for happy, and Jack really makes me happy. So when I said I'd be with him I guess I really was gonna take it nice and slow like. To be honest, I really didn't think we were gonna make it. Beautiful things never last y'know? Sunsets only stickin around a few minutes and all that other shit I think about yet never say out loud. Living a life that is considered sinful and ugly was...is...no, **was** the hardest thing I had ever come to terms with. You think it was lovin Jack but if you've been with Jack for less than a day you'd know like I know that lovin him was the easy part. On that day, the reality of living with another man (by choice, not like in prison or the military) set upon my fool head._

Ennis sat on the motel bed shirtless and barefoot only clad in blue denim waiting for Jack to return after making his phone calls to Lureen. Ennis' own head nearly swam with the fact that Jack simply dropped everything just cause the mere possibility of being with him was open to Jack and not from the fact he was nursing a moderate hangover. He thought over his options as his stomach groaned a bit. He thought about getting lunch while Jack was out but decided to hold off so they could get lunch together. He admitted Jack's idea of getting a ranch and running it together was pretty sweet but Ennis also knew he had no idea how to run a business like that and didn't want to shovel in a truckload of money in a gaping wide hole right at the start of his second meaningful relationship. He then promptly amended that last night wasn't even the start of his prolonged, sometimes happy, sometimes painful association with Jack Fucking Twist. He was moving into a new phase with him and that made his stomach churn even more. He gave a sigh and wished that Jack didn't take off with his pack of smokes when he went to the pay phone. He laid down on the crumpled, smelly bed rolling back and forth on it with his thoughts.

_Are people gonna hurt us or leave us be?_

_How am I gonna hide us from the rest of the town?_

_How am I gonna support us on minimum wage?_

_I'll bet he'll hate my place. God knows I do sometimes._

_Well, hey, maybe together we can make it look like someone decent lives there._

_Is it fair to Jack that he's getting saddled with my big ass pile of debt?_

_Can I really make him happy?_

At this point Ennis heard the sound of the motel door unlocking. Jack came in with a brown paper bag and from what it smelled like it was full of fried chicken. Jack had a very sheepish look on his face as he closed the door.

"Thought you might like to eat in for today so I got us that carry out stuff."

"Considerate."

"Yep."

Jack put the food all out on a little table between the two beds and sat on the other untouched bed. He told Ennis about the phone call he made to Lureen who chewed him out about leaving the truck somewhere on the highway and leaving her and Bobby to contend with no mode of transportation. He also got yelled at for the initial instantaneous getaway to Riverton which ultimately led to him being in Lawton, Oklahoma for no good reason. He then said he told her he wanted a divorce and that she told him she'd have his clothes packed for him when he got back around to Childress.

"What about your boy?" Ennis asked.

"Tell him later when the papers are ready, I guess."

"Does she know?"

"Not carin at this stage."

"Alright."

When their lunch was finished Jack was feeling horny again but Ennis needed to make calls of his own. As Ennis was getting dressed he let Jack in on his concerns.

"Why don't we just live at my place for a bit? I don't think I'm ready to move on from Riverton yet and we shouldn't just take such a large risk as the first thing we do when we're together. Y'know, all our eggs in one basket?"

"Ain't the first thing we've done together."

"I'm not ready yet. I need to sort out my life first." Ennis said as he put his socks on wishing desperately that Jack would let him have this. Jack put his hands through his hair and gave a sigh. He expected something like this, but unfortunately he also had to agree.

"I do have a little stash of my own money that I saved up for my ranch, but I think I want a bigger nest egg up first in case we don't hit the black." Jack said.

_Not to mention I don't know how to run a business_ Ennis thought as he put his shoes on. Jack had a worn look on his face like a man who never reached his own expectations. Just before Ennis put his jacket on Jack gave a small grin in spite of it all.

"Tomcat, whatcha thinkin?" Ennis asked as he was buttoning up.

"I get to see your place after all this time."

"Nothin special."

"It's where you are. What's important to you is there."

"What's important to me is right here. I'll be back." Ennis said rather abruptly. _Do you really want this rodeo? I don't even get regular meals anymore. It ain't like two guys playin house. People in town jeering 'lookit those queers in the shack' would be the least of my worries. _Ennis left the room and went down the street to the phone booth to take care of his business. Ennis discovered that he was out of a job now but it wasn't anything he did, everyone lost their jobs as the ranch he worked on went under. As the dial tone sounded when Ennis hung up he now really was shaking even though it was just a job to him. All the complaints Alma lodged against him in his marriage now savagely boomeranged back in Ennis' skull hard. No prospects, no education, no future for a lonely cowboy and his man.

"Okay, get a hold of yerself del Mar! Let's just move along home and take things from there. I'm not a lone wolf in any case." Ennis said to himself. He then almost had a hysterical fit with the image of him forking over food stamps to the grocer but he bit his mouth to keep from laughing. Except it wasn't funny. He needed to go get some whiskey. Fast. At the liquor store the lady behind the counter was making some friendly, flirty talk which Ennis engaged in kindly. As he took his bag out to the truck he began the same obsessive train of thought that plagued him since that first summer at Brokeback Mountain. _I'm full tilt normal. So why do I love Jack so much like I'm gonna break? _Ennis caught many womenfolk's attention, which made him smile. Women still made him hard, but all his time with Jack quickened his blood times ten. And it was exclusively Jack that did it for him, other men put him off sex just like before. Just before he went back to the hotel he had to fill up his truck with gas for the long trip back to Riverton. He snorted as he shoved the gas pump in the tank thinking it would be about the same deal when he got back to Jack. He thought back when he was at his house and was remembering the sound of Jack's laughter which led up to this moment in a gas station far from home. Paying for the gas and steeling himself up, Ennis went back to the man who meant something in his barren life. Upon opening the door to the motel room he noticed it was dark so he closed the door. When his eyes adjusted to the light he was greeted with the sight of a stark naked Jack on the bed with his hat covering up his crotch.

"Howdy." was all Jack said for a moment. Then both men just cracked up.

When Jack went back to his residence both Lureen and Bobby were out apparently having dinner with Lureen's dad if the note she left was anything to go by. He wanted to do it in the empty house but Ennis put his foot down against it as it was a Bad Idea. The relative class gulf between the two men made Ennis uneasy again after seeing what life Jack was giving up but Jack just picked up his box of belongings and left a letter for Bobby. He told Ennis that he'd explain things to Bobby in person when things we're finalized. Ennis just shrugged.

"Just do things in yer own time. Less clumsy that way." Jack nodded. He also noted Ennis didn't say 'it'll hurt less'.

The drive back to Riverton was very pleasant and relaxed compared to the drive from Childress to Lawton. If they could cram cloud nine inside the truck Jack would have been sitting on it while playing his harmonica which unfortunately for Ennis, Jack brought along. They made it past the halfway point to Wyoming and Ennis really got to know Jack as Jack just babbled on about anything and everything almost an all time high of inane chatter coming from him which Ennis realized, because Jack was happy.

"...and no one accused me of grabbing a bull's balls ever again."Jack finished proudly. Ennis really wondered how Jack ever got along without someone to talk sense into him. He just gave Jack a half lopsided grin.

"How'd you deal with your truck back on the side of the road?" Poof, there went cloud nine right out the window.

"Ah...uh, shit. I didn't."Jack confessed.

"Goddamnit, its just still hanging out there?"

"I dunno. Didn't see it when we drove back so it slipped my mind."

"Someone may of took off with it." Just then a roadhouse saloon could be seen in the distance. "Why not call Lureen at that place up there?" Jack nodded looking mighty embarrassed. _Serves em right._ Ennis thought. One thing at the "Red Cap" Ennis noticed right off the bat was a very large amount of motorcycles up front. It made him uneasy though he didn't know why. If they didn't bother any of them there's no way they would cause any trouble for two nomad cowboys. When they went inside though a different story was told. As Jack went to the back to use the pay phone the fourteen or fifteen bikers that lounged at the place seemed to hone in on both of them. Ennis felt like he had a large "Faggot" sign that he and Jack were carrying on their persons. He ordered a couple of drinks at the bar and got into some easy conversation with some ratty looking bikers.

"So how long you guys known each other?"

"Quite a long while now."

"Anything serious?"

"Looking to own a business."

"That so?" Ennis stomach really lurched when he discovered a truth he didn't know about before he went into the bar. It really dawned upon him when he saw the small crowd that gathered around him when he was talking.

These men were checking him out like a piece of cattle!


	3. White Flag

Chapter 3: White Flag

_I guess y'all's wondering why I'm talking about all this here when I've been known not to talk bout much of anything. That's one beef I've heard from practically everyone over the years. Now here I am talkin bout pretty much all the stuff that I've been tryin to hide. Yeah, hide. I love Jack fierce enough so that happiness and pain make good bedfellas but I'm hella protective of my privacy. I don't rightfully understand it myself about why I couldn't tell a lot of this stuff to the folks in my life. Well, I **know**, but I didn't wanna admit to anything yet. I know I cause a lotta friction in all (hah, **all, **what a grand total of two?) of my relationships simply cause I don't tell the other person the things they need to hear even though I show it to them everyday. I wanna say it's cause I think people nowadays are too free with their feelins and that gets them hurt faster or other lofty things but the basic fact is that I just don't like talkin much. Aw, fuck I don't like PEOPLE in general much, pardon my language. That kinda got blown outta the water when I met Jack, but lotsa other things changed those feelins very slowly. That bar thing being one of them. At the time, after the initial discomfort wore off, I'd just brushed off the whole thing as some strange page in my already complicated-by-far-fuckin-too-much life story. Lookin back though it really did change the way I lived the next few years of my life and not for the most plain to see reasons either. Notice I didn't answer as to why I'm talkin now. Man's gotta have some secrets. _

_By the way, Clyde is my next door neighbor back in Riverton if you can call it that. He lived a couple of roads down and was being raised by his cousin. Why I'm tellin y'all this now will be apparent in a few moments. _

While Ennis was on display for all of the bikers to look at, Jack was having a long distance battle with Lureen. She had already called a garage and tow to get his truck off the highway and it was at the garage overnight. Jack was grateful though he was leaving the truck to Lureen and Bobby even if she thought it was a piece of scrap.

"So yeah, you guys can keep the truck to drive about in. May been scrap but it's been good to me." Jack said over the pay phone.

"Wish I could say the same about myself." Lureen replied acidly. Jack wiped his forehead.

"We did all our best Lureen but you know we've been drifting away...'

"Don't give me that bullshit Jack. Plain and simple you have someone else on the side. How am I gonna explain to Bobby that his daddy ran out on his family just cause he got tired of his momma?" Lureen said with far more control than what she felt at the moment. She didn't want to have it out long distance with Jack but all of their conversation seemed to going in one direction.

"Did Bobby get my letter?" Jack asked wanting to end the conversation.

"Yeah. That's why I'm asking you how to explain this to him cause I sure as hell don't have a damn clue what to say to him."Jack felt really small right now. The odd part was that when he announced the divorce over the phone both he and Lureen were really amicable about the whole thing. Just then a hearty laughter could be heard over the sounds of the bar and the jukebox which was playing "Sweet Home Alabama". "Jack, are you at a bar right now?" Lureen asked with a strong note of irritation.

"To be calling you, yeah."

"How the hell did you get to that place, anyway?"

"Aw, Lureen I told you already that Ennis was taking care of me now...til I get back on my feet." Jack added the last part post haste.

"Hmph, you got one friend in the world and you swirl around him in orbit like a moon. May as well marry him instead those floozies you messed around with that I pretended not to notice."

_Ain't gonna happen. _Jack thought with a hairline fracture running down his already fragile heart.

"Jack Twist, ya know I can't even look at you right now!"

"Yer not lookin at me, I'm on the phone."

"I mean I can still picture you in my head! I gave you everything. All of me! Here I was trying to get blood from a stone."

"Lureen..."

"I loved you. Loved. YOU. I'd never be thinkin you'd be the type to play **anybody** false much less your wife."

"Go and find someone else. Someone who can cherish you and take care..."

"IT WAS YOU! You were that someone. You were..._you_. All happy go lucky and bright. Shone brighter than me even. I took a chance and...we...I don't know anything anymore. Way to go cowboy, I'm stranded going nowhere." Jack noticed that Lureen wasn't crying but she sounded tired and defeated. He couldn't even apologize since he wasn't even remotely sorry. He had to end this phone conversation before they got further because she deserved to have this painful talk face to face. And certainly not over "Hot Child In The City" which was now playing. Lureen's voice ran clear and cut a swath over the distinctly loud and punchy chatter of the bikers. What were they laughing at so hard anyway? "Jack."

"Yeah?"

"Even if it's in a letter or a scrap shit postcard..."

"What?"

"Tell me why. Tell me who it is. Or tell me...what I did." Lureen said the last part plainly almost like a child who didn't understand the words she just spoke of. Jack couldn't take it anymore.

"It's Ennis." Jack burst out. _Holy fucking mother of God...forgive me._

"What about Ennis?" Lureen asked sounding confused. Keyword was "sounding" because deep in the pit of her stomach the reality of things was fast coming up her body almost ready to expel itself.

"I...I love Ennis Del Mar." _Fuck, fuck, FUCK. _Plan A about having a face to face conversation was neatly being obliterated with each and every word spoken.

"Wha..love? Like 'I love Brian Piccolo' from Brian's Song?" She knew. Right off the bat she knew but honestly even for a brief moment she wanted the illusion of their lives still intact. This wish was shared by Jack. Never mind the fact he wanted to spend his life with Ennis.

"Er, um he was going through a lot with his divorce and everything so yeah I wanna be there all supportive like..."_With him riding me like a bronco buster. _Jack thought with mild disgust.

"Can we talk later...alone?"

"YES! We can talk and talk and talk. I'm sure if we haven't talked before we'll talk now...er, I mean later." Jack said all flustered. The parties on both ends wanted to be somewhere else and not experience the deconstruction of something they joined together with their own hands.

"Okay, see you then." followed by a very abrupt dial tone. Lureen sank down to the floor on her knees slowly. _Even after all of that...even after how you just seem to have forgot me..._

She remembered they way he laughed. She remembered he hated his sausages with jam on them, the way she liked it. She remembered his bad harmonica playing and even worse singing and how she'd loved it when he did those things cause it made him happy. _I can't even try and attempt to hate you. I can't do it, you stupid bastard. I need you and you don't need me._

And the tears never came because they had nothing to hold on to.

While all that was going on Ennis was in an uncomfortable situation that strangely enough had nothing to do with the bikers who were circling around him like scavenging vultures. "The Stag Kings" was the name of the gang and it wasn't their lewd comments or insinuations that bothered Ennis (okay, it DID bother Ennis but he had his stone cold poker face on as not to show it) since they made equally lascivious (yet subtle) comments about their own activities that did make Ennis laugh a couple of times. No, the comfort level dropped when someone he knew from Riverton was among the pack.

"Now fellas you know better than to tease Mr. Del Mar like that." said a young soft spoken voice. One Ennis didn't think to hear in a roadside saloon. Ennis turned around frantically.

"Clyde Brown?" he called

"The same. You remember me?" Clyde said.

"Nah! He just calls everyone Clyde Brown, I bet." some random guy hollered. Clyde flushed red at his own stupid question. Clyde was a real beauty, in a totally different way than Jack was. He was of medium height and skinnier than a ten foot pole. His hair was long, deep red like a nail rusted over with blood and his skin was pale, white as a sheet. He dressed like some poor white trash with a denim jacket and pants all tore up with holes in them and a deep blue bandana wrapped around his forehead and a red bandana tied fashionably around his arm. He also had several chains wrapped around him for seemingly no purpose. Of course this was different from when he last saw Clyde a couple of months back when he had the same kind of ranch clothing Ennis wore. He also seemed a great deal younger. Clyde's age was confirmed when Ennis noticed he was drinking a soda pop among the burly, rank men swigging beer and whiskey.

"Suppose you never thought you'd see me here. Alone." Clyde said nervously. He sat down by Ennis and surprisingly enough the mass of overweight, stinky smelling men actually eased up to allow some privacy.

"That's one hell of an understatement. Where's Howard?" Ennis asked. Clyde's parents ran out on him when he was little but his older cousin Howard stayed and took care of him.

"Howard ran out on me and wants to become a priest."

"Shit, I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm not mad or anything. He gave me the address for the rectory he's staying at and he even asked if I wanted to join him. I guess we parted cause I didn't hear the call. I know exactly where he's at and how to get there I'm just taking my time."Clyde sipped some more on his soda.

"Is that why you're running with this pack?" Ennis asked referring to the bikers.

"I was hitching a ride with them out to California to see Howard but I think I might want to build my own life before I meet up with him first. You know become a better, stronger person so I won't embarrass myself when we finally meet again." Clyde then wiped his mug with the napkin cause he didn't like the condensation on his hands. "I just can't see myself in a long distance relationship with him of all people. We saw each other everyday, laughed together and a had some really great times which was a miracle considering how my parents treated me." One thing Ennis forgot or even failed to notice about Clyde was that he spoke whatever was on his mind. Even at a young age when he was eight or nine Clyde was like that. "I mean, I understand why he left and I even said it was okay but I really am not looking forward to seeing my only friend once or twice a year for a few weeks. Or maybe I am and I just don't wanna admit it." Ennis for his part had been guzzling the beer he was drinking and was unavailable for comment. Roger a middle aged man that dressed strikingly similar to Clyde tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, want your song?" he asked.

"Go for it." Clyde said. Roger signaled to someone at the Jukebox and then the song was "Hot Child In The City." by Nick Glider. Clyde gave the thumbs up to both guys. Roger grinned and went over to play a game of darts. Ennis felt very closed in right now for reasons he didn't want to go over with himself, almost as if he were very slowly shutting down. "Anyway before I was interrupted I was gonna ask do you feel the same way bout some people you want to see badly, Mr. Del Mar?" Again Ennis was drinking his almost empty beer and was still unavailable for comment. Clyde plowed forward anyway. "I suppose everyone feels that way at some point with having one group of people they set up with and coming to find out they all wanna be with a completely different set of people. But I suppose you're too mature for that huh?" Ennis let out large belch. Clyde laughed. "Hey, I can do that too!" Clyde was now making strange noises making himself try and burp. Ennis remembered when Clyde and Howard were at the grocery store one time. Clyde was very well behaved but you could hear him babbling on everything from the latest issue of X-Men to stuff that happened at the State Fair two years back all throughout the store. Alma commented that Clyde would be the kind of boy that Ennis would be stuck with if he had a boy instead of girls. Meaning: the complete opposite of Ennis. Ennis gave a little smile. _Least the kid's consistent. _He thought not unkindly.At this point Jack arrived at the bar looking more than a bit frazzled and snatching the beer that Ennis ordered for him before Ennis drank it. _Speak of the devil. _

"How did it go with Lureen?" Ennis asked. Jack noticed Clyde and smiled at him. Clyde nodded patiently awaiting introduction.

"Truck's in the garage. Bobby got my letter. Lureen asked why I left her and she probably thinks you're terminal...or pregnant." Jack muttered sarcastically taking a long pull of the bottle. Ennis turned to Jack immediately since the movie reference flew over his head but before he could say anything Clyde chimed in.

"Wow, pregnant and dying all simultaneous like! That's a cute trick, how'd you manage it?" Clyde asked being a smart ass while drinking his soda.

_What the fuck? _Was the only thing Ennis, Jack and ultimately Lureen, two states over, could really think of in this moment in time.


End file.
